“Will I ever see you again? I’m not prepared for that day. So I beg of you. Please. Please. Please stay. I want more time. But I know that this time I can’t have my way”.

Moment of transparency- this post is difficult to write.

Imagine one day hearing your loved one wouldn’t get to see you graduate. Or watch you get married or watch them raise kids (which I know he was born to do). My heart Instantly stopped, and I thought I couldn’t make it. The love I have for the person is impossible to feel or understand. So I suffer and still suffer, but I realize I had to accept it. I had to admit that I could not stop or change the outcome. I thought there was something I could do because the person needed more time to showcase their talent. So much he could be. And he would’ve been the best husband and parent. But one thing I do know is that what is meant to be will be. It takes time to accept this reality, but you must. I thought that one day I would wake up, it would be different, but in thinking that I was hurting myself. I sat still, thinking time would too. My Nonny kept telling me you have to finish school for him. So I say dealing with a loss, it is such a painful experience. You are continually trying to adapt, especially when the person was your world. So it is okay to suffer/ grieve, but also I want you to know that you are still here for a reason. There is so much for you to do. So please do it. And, know that you’re loved one is with you every day.

“As I close my eyes

I hear something strange.

I hear you singing

but I know

this must

not be true

I have to be…

I must be dreaming.”